falling apart.. again..

Looks like we are in for another visit from george this month. My world feels like its crashing down around me..

I had a terrible day in the office yesterday - to go with the terrible week.. i was driving home and i thought to myself... wouldnt it be nice if i went home, took a hpt and saw the two lines i want to see sooooo much in the whole world!

so i came home, took the hpt and saw a big fat nought! well i saw one line but that means nothing.. for some reason this month it officially felt a lot worse than all the other months.. perhaps because its been 6 months wince we started trying now?

i told my beau and then i went and layed in bed and had a cry.. my beau came in... i could see that he too had tears in his eyes... why cant i give him the one thing he wants so much?

one of my closest friends is pregnant - i'm so pleased for her and im especially happy that her baby is healthy and safe.. but im so jealous.. i dont want to be.. but i am... i am trying very hard not to be.. but i dont know how to control the jealousy.. *sigh*

today she showed me some designs for how she wants to decorate they nursery... im sure she has no idea how that made me feel... but i did the right thing and commented appropriately..

still.. some days i wish i was a hermit... over the past few months i've been getting my life back on track - a new track to before - but still on track.. yet it seems somehow i've fallen off again!

*sigh*