falling apart.. again..

Looks like we are in for another visit from george this month. My world feels like its crashing down around me..

I had a terrible day in the office yesterday - to go with the terrible week.. i was driving home and i thought to myself... wouldnt it be nice if i went home, took a hpt and saw the two lines i want to see sooooo much in the whole world!

so i came home, took the hpt and saw a big fat nought! well i saw one line but that means nothing.. for some reason this month it officially felt a lot worse than all the other months.. perhaps because its been 6 months wince we started trying now?

i told my beau and then i went and layed in bed and had a cry.. my beau came in... i could see that he too had tears in his eyes... why cant i give him the one thing he wants so much?

one of my closest friends is pregnant - i'm so pleased for her and im especially happy that her baby is healthy and safe.. but im so jealous.. i dont want to be.. but i am... i am trying very hard not to be.. but i dont know how to control the jealousy.. *sigh*

today she showed me some designs for how she wants to decorate they nursery... im sure she has no idea how that made me feel... but i did the right thing and commented appropriately..

still.. some days i wish i was a hermit... over the past few months i've been getting my life back on track - a new track to before - but still on track.. yet it seems somehow i've fallen off again!

*sigh*

today i feel sad...

sad that i can't give my beau the baby he so much wants.. he has started asking me more and more if i think we will ever have more kids to add to our family.. yesterday i told him that i was sure we would when the time was right... you know im sick of people telling me that (i mean i know its the truth but it still is the last thing i want to hear) yet i found myself saying that to him...

*sigh*

a word on adoption...

Adopting is not currently something we are dealing with, but we have discussed it and it may be on the cards. I have looked into it and I understand that it is a long and complex process. I came across this article yesterday and it scares me but it is also the sad truth. I thought I would share for those who are interested – a pity you cant leave a comment!

C25K - Check in

So yesterday I ran again - first time since saturday! for no other reason but being busy.. we have started taking the pups to training on monday nights so that leaves little time for running..

Anyway, I started week 4 yesterday.. i thought I would have a heartattack but i didnt.. week four included the longest run so far at 5 mins and i had to do that twice.. i survived.. and now am fearful of next weeks 20 minute run! ha!

I also seem to have slowed down in my weight loss.. and while that is not part of my plan, i hope that it is because muscle is developing.. my calves are looking a bit more defined these days.. so thats what im hoping for!

so my measurements..

77.4kg (BMI - 29.1)

B - 94.5cm

W - 102.5cm

T - 111cm

Nothing much else to report but i did take this photo of my boys - i like it so i thought i would share!

C25K - Check in

Time for a check in...

i weighed in this afternoon at 77.9kg

measurements were:

B- 95.5, W-103 and T-115.5cm

Good news - today i fit into my favourite jeans - size 12! woo! they were comfy but on the snug side.. my intention is to fit into them just comfy - no snugness..

my goal was to lose 0.5kg a month.. so far i am on track... i have 2 more days to meet my 77.7 goal for January..

wish me luck.. i am sitting here doing my check in wearing my running gear.. but waiting for the breeze to come in - currently its around 40 degrees outside.. too hot to run just yet.. perhaps in an hour..

i have been quiet good and am due to run my final run for week 3...

see you next time..

go me...

today i did a little jig.. yes a real jig... not a good one but a jig none the less.. why? because i weighed in (even though i said i wasn't going to be ruled by the scales) and i have lost 1.6 kg so far this month.. well on track with my goal of loosing 0.5 kg a week..

i am awesome!

a new cycle

and so today begins a new cycle... grrr.....