not feeling it any more...

bleh...

Could it be?

I have no idea what so ever.. In fact I think I feel like I'm ready to give up... Today is 10 days before George is due and 5dpo..

I'm pretty sure our timing was off again this month due to our mutual disappointment over the past few months of trying..

I know my body has given me signs before so I don't trust it or believe the signs..

Signs so far unusual mucous and just as of this afternoon twitches in my abdomen on my left side just behind the top of the hip bone..

Not expecting anything due to mistiming but happy to be surprised oh gret cosmic beings!

I AM NOT TESTING until next Friday!!!


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C25K - Check in

So its been a while since i checked in.. for various reasons.. i am still plodding through week 4 in the running.. i am going to make an effort to get through it by the end of this week.. i have been disheartened by the lack of weight loss and also the lack of a BFP so i have let things slide a bit.. i have been reasonably good on my food choices though.. so i suppose thats a good thing!

anyhow.. this morning i weighed 77.8kg and measured B - 94, W - 99.5 and T - 109cm...

i cant remember how that compares to my lest check in!

until next time

falling apart.. again..

Looks like we are in for another visit from george this month. My world feels like its crashing down around me..

I had a terrible day in the office yesterday - to go with the terrible week.. i was driving home and i thought to myself... wouldnt it be nice if i went home, took a hpt and saw the two lines i want to see sooooo much in the whole world!

so i came home, took the hpt and saw a big fat nought! well i saw one line but that means nothing.. for some reason this month it officially felt a lot worse than all the other months.. perhaps because its been 6 months wince we started trying now?

i told my beau and then i went and layed in bed and had a cry.. my beau came in... i could see that he too had tears in his eyes... why cant i give him the one thing he wants so much?

one of my closest friends is pregnant - i'm so pleased for her and im especially happy that her baby is healthy and safe.. but im so jealous.. i dont want to be.. but i am... i am trying very hard not to be.. but i dont know how to control the jealousy.. *sigh*

today she showed me some designs for how she wants to decorate they nursery... im sure she has no idea how that made me feel... but i did the right thing and commented appropriately..

still.. some days i wish i was a hermit... over the past few months i've been getting my life back on track - a new track to before - but still on track.. yet it seems somehow i've fallen off again!

*sigh*

today i feel sad...

sad that i can't give my beau the baby he so much wants.. he has started asking me more and more if i think we will ever have more kids to add to our family.. yesterday i told him that i was sure we would when the time was right... you know im sick of people telling me that (i mean i know its the truth but it still is the last thing i want to hear) yet i found myself saying that to him...

*sigh*

a word on adoption...

Adopting is not currently something we are dealing with, but we have discussed it and it may be on the cards. I have looked into it and I understand that it is a long and complex process. I came across this article yesterday and it scares me but it is also the sad truth. I thought I would share for those who are interested – a pity you cant leave a comment!

C25K - Check in

So yesterday I ran again - first time since saturday! for no other reason but being busy.. we have started taking the pups to training on monday nights so that leaves little time for running..

Anyway, I started week 4 yesterday.. i thought I would have a heartattack but i didnt.. week four included the longest run so far at 5 mins and i had to do that twice.. i survived.. and now am fearful of next weeks 20 minute run! ha!

I also seem to have slowed down in my weight loss.. and while that is not part of my plan, i hope that it is because muscle is developing.. my calves are looking a bit more defined these days.. so thats what im hoping for!

so my measurements..

77.4kg (BMI - 29.1)

B - 94.5cm

W - 102.5cm

T - 111cm

Nothing much else to report but i did take this photo of my boys - i like it so i thought i would share!