so it happened..

Cashew is officially here - well in my belly and doing just fine for now... i have since started a new blog to work through this pregnancy. I didn't have a blog for Matilda, I didnt really know much about the world of blogging back then.. but i do find writting things down to be quiet theraputic and hey if it helps just one person then thats a great thing!

so without further ado i would like to direct you to cashews blog!!

hmmm - that pregnant feeling

10 days to our 6 week scan.. as you can imagine those 10 days couldn't come soon enough..

its all i think about every day!

in the mean time i have started my new medication regime.. DH said to me the other night "i've never known anyone to take a cocktail of drugs before" with my dinner i sit down with a small bowl with 3 wild salmon oil capsules, 2 pregnancy multi-vits, 1.5 low dose asprin and 1 folate tablet! add to that 8 am and 8 pm clexane needles!

the 8am ones are certainly interesting as i do them at work.. i have told my boss so that she doesnt suspect my of slacking off or shooting up! i have had some strange stares in the ladies room thus far!

i do feel pregnant.. i feel alot different to my pregnancy with matilda, the symptoms are totally different and the emotions are totally different - i guess this is to be expected though..

anyway i dont have a whole lot more to report on the topic just yet.. please keep your fingers crossed that our scan in 10 days goes well!

OMG!

geroge isn't due til saturday.. i weed on a stick... TWO lines!!! hurrah....

soooo happy... next 3 weeks are going to be crazy! until we have an ultrasound to check if its viable!

fingers crossed pleaseeeeee everyone...

not feeling it any more...

bleh...

Could it be?

I have no idea what so ever.. In fact I think I feel like I'm ready to give up... Today is 10 days before George is due and 5dpo..

I'm pretty sure our timing was off again this month due to our mutual disappointment over the past few months of trying..

I know my body has given me signs before so I don't trust it or believe the signs..

Signs so far unusual mucous and just as of this afternoon twitches in my abdomen on my left side just behind the top of the hip bone..

Not expecting anything due to mistiming but happy to be surprised oh gret cosmic beings!

I AM NOT TESTING until next Friday!!!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

C25K - Check in

So its been a while since i checked in.. for various reasons.. i am still plodding through week 4 in the running.. i am going to make an effort to get through it by the end of this week.. i have been disheartened by the lack of weight loss and also the lack of a BFP so i have let things slide a bit.. i have been reasonably good on my food choices though.. so i suppose thats a good thing!

anyhow.. this morning i weighed 77.8kg and measured B - 94, W - 99.5 and T - 109cm...

i cant remember how that compares to my lest check in!

until next time

falling apart.. again..

Looks like we are in for another visit from george this month. My world feels like its crashing down around me..

I had a terrible day in the office yesterday - to go with the terrible week.. i was driving home and i thought to myself... wouldnt it be nice if i went home, took a hpt and saw the two lines i want to see sooooo much in the whole world!

so i came home, took the hpt and saw a big fat nought! well i saw one line but that means nothing.. for some reason this month it officially felt a lot worse than all the other months.. perhaps because its been 6 months wince we started trying now?

i told my beau and then i went and layed in bed and had a cry.. my beau came in... i could see that he too had tears in his eyes... why cant i give him the one thing he wants so much?

one of my closest friends is pregnant - i'm so pleased for her and im especially happy that her baby is healthy and safe.. but im so jealous.. i dont want to be.. but i am... i am trying very hard not to be.. but i dont know how to control the jealousy.. *sigh*

today she showed me some designs for how she wants to decorate they nursery... im sure she has no idea how that made me feel... but i did the right thing and commented appropriately..

still.. some days i wish i was a hermit... over the past few months i've been getting my life back on track - a new track to before - but still on track.. yet it seems somehow i've fallen off again!

*sigh*

today i feel sad...

sad that i can't give my beau the baby he so much wants.. he has started asking me more and more if i think we will ever have more kids to add to our family.. yesterday i told him that i was sure we would when the time was right... you know im sick of people telling me that (i mean i know its the truth but it still is the last thing i want to hear) yet i found myself saying that to him...

*sigh*

a word on adoption...

Adopting is not currently something we are dealing with, but we have discussed it and it may be on the cards. I have looked into it and I understand that it is a long and complex process. I came across this article yesterday and it scares me but it is also the sad truth. I thought I would share for those who are interested – a pity you cant leave a comment!

C25K - Check in

So yesterday I ran again - first time since saturday! for no other reason but being busy.. we have started taking the pups to training on monday nights so that leaves little time for running..

Anyway, I started week 4 yesterday.. i thought I would have a heartattack but i didnt.. week four included the longest run so far at 5 mins and i had to do that twice.. i survived.. and now am fearful of next weeks 20 minute run! ha!

I also seem to have slowed down in my weight loss.. and while that is not part of my plan, i hope that it is because muscle is developing.. my calves are looking a bit more defined these days.. so thats what im hoping for!

so my measurements..

77.4kg (BMI - 29.1)

B - 94.5cm

W - 102.5cm

T - 111cm

Nothing much else to report but i did take this photo of my boys - i like it so i thought i would share!

C25K - Check in

Time for a check in...

i weighed in this afternoon at 77.9kg

measurements were:

B- 95.5, W-103 and T-115.5cm

Good news - today i fit into my favourite jeans - size 12! woo! they were comfy but on the snug side.. my intention is to fit into them just comfy - no snugness..

my goal was to lose 0.5kg a month.. so far i am on track... i have 2 more days to meet my 77.7 goal for January..

wish me luck.. i am sitting here doing my check in wearing my running gear.. but waiting for the breeze to come in - currently its around 40 degrees outside.. too hot to run just yet.. perhaps in an hour..

i have been quiet good and am due to run my final run for week 3...

see you next time..

go me...

today i did a little jig.. yes a real jig... not a good one but a jig none the less.. why? because i weighed in (even though i said i wasn't going to be ruled by the scales) and i have lost 1.6 kg so far this month.. well on track with my goal of loosing 0.5 kg a week..

i am awesome!

a new cycle

and so today begins a new cycle... grrr.....

C25K - Check in

So after my week long haiatus, i started keep three last night, skipping over week two in the program.

So i thought i'd check in.. as i feel remarkably well considering i went about 15 km in an hour.. i didn't run all the way but didn't feel like i was going to die at the end of it either!

i weighed in this morning at 78.5kg

measurements were:

B- 96, W-103.8 and T-116cm

pleased to see the waist and thigh measurements going down... especially considering George is nearly due!

will forge on!

FAIL!!!

pox pox pox...

so i couldn't help myself and i took a test just now.. FAIL!!

that sucks... sucks because its another month in our lives without hope and sucks because by the weekend george should arrive... what about all my phantom symptoms - where they just that? phantom? why is the body so cruel as to give phantom symptoms? so then oh fascinating human body - why to i have a head ache now.. right this minute? grrr i hate you..

*sigh*

im off for a run and will be back for a check in tomorrow...

C25K - Check in

not quiet a check in.. i have been very lazy... reason being the ridiculous heat wave we have been experiencing this past week... today however was cool enough to facilitate another run.. so off i went with the puppies..

i have also signed up for a 2 week program called "drop a dress size" which involves 2 bootcamps a week and 2 sessions of personal training a week.. i will be starting this crazyness on the 1st feb.. im scared.. though im hoping i will actually drop a dress size!

as i said im all about the measurements that than the kilos now!

wish me luck!

I feel so damn incompetent...

so as i said.. i took a test on monday and got a big fat negative...

yesterday - tuesday - hubby asked me when i was going to take a test and i told him i took one on monday and there was nothing to report.. he was soooooo disappointed... and all i could say was sorry.. i feel so terrible... if it wasn't for my poxy bloody, he would have had his baby girl by now...

I really don't know what to think about my phantom symptoms.. i often think to myself... when did my life change and start to revolve around getting pregnant.. its like it just happened without me noticing...

alas.. like every month i am hoping as much as i can that george wont show up this weekend.. unfortunately only time will tell..*sigh*

...

so i took a test when i got home from work... one red line - damn it! (sorry)

Phantom Symptoms??

I know I ovulated last Monday.. thus implantation – if it’s happened should have happened by now – I think. I have had some strange symptoms for the last few days..

Friday night – I had a headache.. I haven’t had one since I was last pregnant.. also I was drinking a beer which tasted funny to me but normal to hubby.. then when we went to dinner, something I ate tasted funny to me but again normal to everyone else… this taste thing is not something I’ve experienced before

Saturday – I took a hpt in the morning to make check – knowing it was too early but hoping to see a sign.. anyways a big fat negative…

Sunday – I was really really really tired.. like I couldn’t even hold my head up so I napped for an hour from 4pm to 5pm!

Monday (today) – I have a niggling headache.. but our air conditioner at work is not working and it’s a 40+ day outside… so it could be that.. I also just had what I could only describe as a hot flush..

Of course every time I google symptoms of pregnancy these things keep coming up… im so sick of not seeing the two red lines on the hpt’s that I don’t want to get my hopes up.. so for now they are phantom signs…

I am still deciding if I should take the HPT tonight or not.. according to the instructions I have a 70% chance of seeing something today and 80% if I wait til tomorrow! And of course 93% if I wait til the following day.. question is, can I hold out on testing or would I rather go through the heartache of seeing one red line… hmm…

on the baby front..

last night we went out to dinner and i had quiet a bad niggling headache.. i havent had a headache in ages.. i said that to hubby who responded with "since you were last pregnant" with an element of hope in his voice.... i must say i had pretty much the same thought... so i woke up this morning and took a hpt and got nought! i am probably a bit early on the testing front but i thought maybe if im getting the headaches... then maybe just maybe i would see the two lines i so long for!

will test again next weekend - george is due sunday so fingers crossed!